For What I Do Is Not The Good I Want To Do...

Tom Sawyer got the gist of it when he realized the following:

"...namely, that to promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing."

Emmylou Harris and Rodney Crowell lament about it in their song "Open Season on My Heart."

"I try to change without much luck. I reach a point where I get stuck."

St. Paul knew it all too well.

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And If I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, this is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." Romans 7:15-20

It seems like I have the best intentions as a mom, but as soon as I try to focus on not doing something, like yelling or becoming frustrated so easily, those things increase.

When I try to tell myself I need to stay away from e-mail until a certain time of day so that I can pay more attention to the children, it's like an instant urge, that I often give in to, to run to my computer (or phone or I-pad).

Should I, like George Costanza once realized on an episode of Seinfeld, convince myself of the opposite.

Maybe I should tell myself that I am no longer going to talk in a calm, rational tone of voice. Maybe I should tell myself to check my e-mail the moment I awake and remind myself of how urgent it is several times throughout the day.

I wish I had some insight or an epiphany to share about fighting the daily battles of conscience.

But I've got nothing. Sigh!

Oh well, tomorrow is a new day!